I am also reading the last american man, and i do see the fact that he has been judged all of his life. Sometimes when i meet a new person they have a hard time understanding my humor.
After a while i begin to joke around and it is in that persons spirit to either accept it or reject it.
I come off as the person that i want to be, i accept people for who they are and i always enjoy when the favor is returned. This truely makes me feel welcomed and the best thing you can have in a relationship is comfort. If you dont understand how the person you are with reacts to certain things it may be hard for you to get comfortable. Comfort is also key in the way you joke around with someone. Ask yourself "are these comments too personal for your experience with the person and are you getting to far in to there background"? You should always ask yourself questions like this even if it is a close friend of yours because it wouldnt be right to hurt there feelings. Dont assume just becasue of poor judgement. Find out for real and give things time before you pounce on them or bombard them with questions or immiture comments.
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